Progress over Perfection

Educators who pursue perfection pursue a myth, and in doing so, they put unrealistic expectations on themselves and make self-esteem–damaging comparisons.

We’ve had a plague of perfectionism in education for a long time.

Dr. Brené Brown defines “perfectionism” as thinking that, “If I look perfect and do everything perfect, I’ll avoid painful feelings of blame, judgement, and shame” (2012). Her point is that this kind of thinking is unhealthy and unrealistic. Educators who pursue perfection pursue a myth, and in doing so, they put unrealistic expectations on themselves and make self-esteem–damaging comparisons.

When you compare yourself to others you just feel terrible. Comparison can also send you down a scarcity spiral (e.g., “I’m not good enough, I am not that great of a teacher, why can’t I just be like_____?”).

Education does not stop. You don’t have the energy or time to waste worrying about perfection. Right now, moving forward is more important than getting everything perfect. Students and families need you to be there for them, not for you to spend all your time retooling your lesson plans or beating yourself up about a typo in the family email you sent late last night. Now is the time to just get it out there—whatever “it” may be.

The perfection paradox is why author Carol Dweck’s work on mindset is so important. In her research, she’s found that a growth mindset can be a powerful tool in helping individuals overcome the pain of perfectionism.

As part of her research, Dweck set out to see how children coped with challenge and difficulty. Dweck gave 10-year-olds problems that were slightly too hard for them to solve. Some children reacted in a super positive way by saying things like, “I love a challenge” and “I was hoping this would be informative!” These children knew their abilities could be developed, which Dweck called a “growth mindset,” while other children shut down and felt the problems were unfair. Dweck describes their reactions as tragic and catastrophic, because these children felt their intelligence was up for judgement and had more of a “fixed mindset.”

The best gift you can give yourself is to love challenges. When you enjoy effort and are intrigued by mistakes, you are practicing the growth mindset we want students to cultivate. If we model vulnerability, we also model strength, resilience, curiosity, and a whole host of other ideals. Your mistakes give students permission to make their own.

How do we build a growth mindset, especially under stressful conditions? First, go back and read the self-care section. Focus on making sure you are taking time for yourself! Next, decide you WANT to change your mindset because developing a growth mindset requires a mindset shift.

Here are a few ways you can start to build your own growth mindset.

“The power of yet.” Adding “yet” to the end of sentences, statements, and thoughts can really change your outlook. For example, you might say, “I can’t get all this work done.” But if you add “yet,” it allows you to see that you COULD complete your work if you reframed your situation. “I can’t get all this work done yet!”

Turn “I can’t” into “Yes, and . . . .” When presented with something hard, a fixed mindset reaction is, “I can’t.” For example, you may be asked to teach a new grade level and want to say, “I can’t learn all of what I need to know by next year.” Instead of starting with “I can’t,” you could say, “Yes, and it might be a challenge for me to learn all the new content I’ll need. Could I get some extra planning time?” By switching “I can’t” to “yes, and . . . ,”
you are already shifting your mindset from fixed to growth.

“What could I do differently next time?” This is a power question. You will make mistakes; you are human and that is OK. If you do make a mistake or are struggling with a challenge, stop whatever you’re doing, breathe, and ask yourself, “What could I do differently next time?” Ask this question often, and give yourself time and space to really answer it!

A Florida teacher uses “the power of yet” to inspire her students to pass i-Ready Personalized Instruction lessons. “This is our i-Ready Wall of Champs! When a student passes a lesson, they put a sticky note on the wall. Not pictured, the bottom half of the wall is our ‘YET’ area. If they do not pass a lesson, they put the sticky note in the ‘YET’ area below the other sticky notes because we aren’t there YET!”

Your mistakes give students permission
to make their own.

In conclusion, I want you to know that you ARE doing an amazing job, even if you feel like you are not. If you reached out to families this week but you didn’t hear back from most of them, you’re still doing a great job. If only eight of your 35 students came to your virtual meeting, you’re still making progress. If you show up to work not knowing what you’re doing some days and are still willing to try, make a mistake, learn, and try again, you are doing an amazing job! You don’t have to be perfect; you just need to keep showing up for your students and their families. By continuing to show up, you are modeling a true growth mindset.

Megan’s Story:
Let Go of Perfection

Megan is a middle school educator who never had a problem building relationships with her students. In fact, relationship-building is one of her strengths. However, when her school moved to remote learning in spring 2020, she struggled to connect with her students.

Fortunately, Megan attended one of my virtual professional development sessions, “How to Stay Connected,” and it helped her realize that she was doing everything she could to reach her students. It also helped her see that she didn’t have to be perfect, she just had to keep trying.

When I caught up with her, she told me that she started the 2020–2021 school year with a growth mindset, and she knows that things will not be perfect. She gives herself and her students permission to make mistakes, and she tells her students the same thing.

Megan knows she still has perfectionist tendencies to work through, but she is happy to be making progress.